50 Shades of Corduroy
by WirtGetstheBird69
Summary: Wendy invites Dipper to a night alone in her room and Dipper prepares himself for a night of passion and lovemaking. What misadventures will ensue: Will Dipper get lucky, or will that not happen because he's only 12 and that would be screwed up. This is a fan fiction parody which is partly why this is so damn stupid. Enjoy, or not, I could care less, or could I?


Dipper is walking through Gravity Falls, searching for any mysteries that may lie in the shadows of this sleepy Oregon town. As he walks on the sidewalk, there is a tap on his shoulder.

It's Wendy! The girl of Dipper's dreams exclaims enthusiastically, "What's up Dipper, want to hang out with me, in my room, just you and me.

Dipper's nose suddenly begins bleeding as an erection begins pressing against his shorts.

He replies while perspiring profusely, "Sure, Wendy. That sounds great."

Wendy points at Dipper's rod and winks, as she states, "Your fly is down stupid."

Wendy whispers to Dipper, "Meet me there in an hour. First, I've got to the pharmacy to get some tissues, and ice." Wendy walks away discreetly as if this conversation had never happened.

Dipper breathes a sigh of relief when suddenly his twin sister Mabel jumps towards him with open arms. "You did great," she exclaims.

Dipper uneasily replies, "Really? You actually mean it?"

"Yeah! Except for your sweating problem, you really need to see a doctor about that. Additionally, why does your nose always bleed when you're in the presence of girls? "

"Oh my God! I think she actually likes me! What if she, holds my hand!"

"Whaaaaaaat? Dipper don't move too fast. Slow and steady wins the race, wait, that's stupid. Of course you should move fast! I mean, you only have until the end of summer and after that you two will probably never see each other ever again!"

"You're right, I have to move as fast as possible. Time for me to lube up," Dipper exclaims as he begins running towards the Mystery Shack.

"Wow, I give amazing advice," Mabel brags.

Dipper bursts through the front door, "Grunkle Stan, get the sex toys!"

Grunkle Stan yells, "Sure thing kid, who's the lady, or man, or whatever you kis these days are into?"

"It's Wendy! My one true love. She told me to meet her at her house, which I'm sure is code for sexual intercourse."

Grunkle Stan hands Dipper the materials and encourages him saying, "I knew very well from the second I met you, that you were a womanizer."

"Thanks, Stan. Wish me luck."

"He's growing up so fast. Wait a second, should his mother know about this. Nah."

Dipper knocks on Wendy's door and is greeted by the busty red head. He notices that her flannel shirt is buttoned down more than usual.

"Hey, my man, Dip! What's up, I'm so glad you're here. There's something I've got to show you. Something, very personal," as Wendy says this Dipper begins to slowly unzip his pants as they walk towards her bedroom.

As they walk side by side Wendy asks, "What's in your bag Dipper, deodorant or something, for your sweating problem."

Dipper replies, "Oh, this old bag. Nothing important in here," a purple dildo begins to hang out of the partially unzipped bag, but is quickly zipped up.

Both friends arrive at the door, Wendy proclaims, "Ok, this is it. Our relationship is about to become very intimate."

Dipper's nose begins bleeding again because that's how noses function.

"Oh yeah, I got those tissues for you, for your nose, which is constantly bleeding when you're around me.

"I'm about to knock your socks off," Wendy opens the door and they both walk in.

Wendy states, "Hopefully, someone as young as you can handle all of this. If so, you're going to have the night of your life..."

"Watching Anime!" In Wendy's room Dipper notices her room is full of anime figurines, anime dvd's, shelves full of manga, and anime-based video games.

Dipper, I'm an otaku!"

Dipper drops his bag realizing the encounter was not meant to be sexual.

Dipper looks down at his wood and murmurs, "Not yet, my friend. One day, you'll get the pussy."

Dipper stares at Wendy realizing he must reveal a secret of his own. "Wendy, there's something I need to tell you, but we need to be at the shack for you to fully appreciate it."

…

Wendy and Dipper walk into the Mystery Shack, it's nighttime, so the gift shop is empty. Dipper enters the vending machine's secret code.

Wendy contorts, "I feel like Soos told me about this, something about a portal and a twin brother."

Dipper bluntly states, "He didn't tell you everything."

Dipper takes the secret elevator down to the notorious second floor. A place that has, since now, been shrouded in mystery.

The elevator door opens, and reveals a room full of figurines, katanas, sex dolls, entire shelves of anime and manga, Japanese flags draped on all four walls, and all of this is accompanied by the blasting of J-pop through surround sound speakers.

"Wendy, I am more than just an otaku. I am a weeaboo! A decade long tradition in the Pines family. That's why we're into incest and stuff."

"Dipper, I don't think that's an actual Japanese tradition."

"Sure it is, I've watched Oreimo! Supid!"

"Anyway, I must ask you a question that will determine whether we will remain friends…

"Subs or Dubs?"


End file.
